FILM: Snow White and the Huntsman (5/10)

Why did I watch it?
I remember seeing the trailer for this dark take on the fairy tale and thinking it had some potential, especially in the special effects department.

What's it all about?
The evil Ravenna (Charlize Theron) enchants her way into the King's life after the Queen dies unexpectedly. After murdering the King on their wedding night, Ravenna locks Princess Snow White (Kristen Stewart) away in the castle dungeons for years and pillages the land to maintain her youth. After Snow White escapes Ravenna bribes a huntsman (Chris Hemsworth) to track her down in the The Dark Forest.







The Good:

• Strong special effects
• Charlize Theron smashes everyone else out of the park as Ravenna
• Great cast for the seven dwarves, Ray Livingstone, Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins, Eddie Marsan etc.

The Bad:

• The huntsman angle didn't really add too much value to the original story for me
• Kristen Stewart doesn't come out of this too well and made any tiny desire I may have ever had of watching anything Twilight related completely disappear.
• Chris Hemsworth's Scottish accent - why?
• Epic fantasy story, sweeping landscape shots, dwarves and trolls and evil villains, its all a bit Tolkien, but with none of the Peter Jackson magic. 
• The mirror thinking Stewart is better looking than Theron!

'Snow White is fairer?! Go home, you're drunk.'

Favourite line:

'If he starts whistling, I'll smash his face in' - Quert

Stand-out moment:

Charlize Theron's slo-motion evil rise from her milk bath

Like the film? Watch: The Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Hobbit
Like the acting? Watch: Twilight

What my wife would say: Watched it, found it quite boring.

What the world thinks:

Rotten Tomatoes - 47%

Metacritic - 57/100

LAMB Score - 2.95

Twitter -

Snow White & The Hunstman has to be one I wish I fell asleep during.
— Dream Factory Doyle (@crocodoyler) December 19, 2013

FILM: Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter (4/10)

Why did I watch it?
Sounded like a fun mash-up.

What's it all about?
Young future president Abraham Lincoln (Benjamin Walker) witnesses his mother being killed. Years later Lincoln plots to exact revenge only to discover the killer is a vampire and learns that a legion of vampires control the South, feasting off the slave population. Schooled by Henry Sturges (Dominic Cooper), Lincoln becomes a trained vampire hunter and eventually takes his fight against the vampires to the White House.









The Good:

• Although no Daniel Day Lewis, Benjamin Walker's portrays Lincoln pretty well in my opinion.

The Bad:

• Visually the film is trying too hard. Director Timur Bekmambetov creates some horrible looking action sequences, the horse chase and train roof right in particular, and the slo-mo is overdone.
• The tone of the film is all wrong. You may think going into this that it would be a fun mash-up but the film tries to combine the vampire gore and violence with the serious true Lincoln history on an equal level with Lincoln speeches and all. And Abe Lincoln is not known for having fun. Doesn't work.
• Really really unmemorable.

What would Daniel Day-Lewis' Lincoln think?

Favourite line:

'A guy only gets that drunk when he wants to kiss a girl or kill a man. So which is it?' - Henry Sturges

Stand-out moment:

Can't even think of one. Those action set pieces that should have been were let down by the over the top special effects.

Like the direction? Watch: Wanted, Nightwatch 

What my wife would say: Rubbish.

What the world thinks:

Rotten Tomatoes - 35%

Metacritic - 42/100

LAMB Score - 2.65/5 

Twitter -

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is easily the worst thing to happen to President Lincoln in a theatre.
— Bob Kostic (@causticbob) December 10, 2013

BOOK: A Clash of Kings, George. R. R. Martin (7/10)

Why did I read it?
I own the A Song of Ice and Fire book boxset but rightly or wrongly my policy is to only read the book having watched the associated HBO Game of Thrones series. I had heard that elements of the second book A Clash of Kings were being split between the second and third season so having recently finished the third season it was time to return to George Martin's epics.   

What's it all about?

Civil war begins in Westeros as Renly Baratheon and his brother Stannis both refuse to recognise their nephew Joffrey as King of the Seven Kingdoms. Meanwhile Robb Stark is crowned King of the North and Baron Greyjoy declares himself King of the Iron Islands. Split between Winterfell, King's Landing and everywhere between, the Stark family is caught between the warring factions. Elsewhere, Jon Snow ventures North of the Wall to hunt wildlings and Daenerys tries to recruit support for her cause in Qarth.

  

The Good:

• The depth of Martin's universe is staggering
• Chapters told from the point of view of nine characters breaks the story down and keeps the plot compartmentalised
• Theon's humbling return to the Iron Islands and foolish return to Winterfell
• Tyrion's appointment as the Hand of the King 

The Bad:

• Picky, but the sheer length of the book. 915 pages is a very long read to commit to and the level of detail can be confusing if not read regularly.
• Daenerys' story often seems too detached from the majority of the book's events occurring simulatensously in Westeros

Favourite line:

'Only a fool humbles himself when the world is so full of men eager to do that job for him' - Theon

FILM: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (7/10)

Why did I watch it?
I'm no LOTR geek by any stretch, give me a gritty L.A. cop drama any day, but I watched, enjoyed and own blu-rays of Peter Jackson's epic Middle Earth trilogy and having never read The Hobbit I was more than prepared to sit through three more epic films to see what the fuss was all about.

What's it all about?

Ok here goes....sixty years before Frodo's journey to destroy the Ring, Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman) is recruited by Gandalf (Ian McKellen) to join a group of dwarves, led by kingdom-less dwarf king Thorin Oakenshield (Richard Armitage), on their quest across to Middle Earth to Erebor the Lonely Mountain, the dwarves' former home, where Smaug the dragon resides. 

The Good:

• Familiar return to Middle Earth with re-appearances from many of the original cast
• Excellent lengthy prologue narrating a previously unknown history of the dwarves and creating the basis for film's story
• As with all Peter Jackson films, An Unexpected Journey looks fantastic
• Dwarves, elves, orcs and goblins

The Bad:

• Similarities to the LOTR story are hard to ignore - a quest of unlikely heroes getting into trouble on a journey across Middle Earth while being chased by Orcs.
• The film's protagonists, 13 dwarves, a hobbit and a wizard has much less diversity than the Fellowship and as such the character distinction for most of the group is minimal
• No doubt about it, the film is slow. The arrival and introduction of the group at Bilbo's house was a bore.
• I like Martin Freeman but after three hours his comedic fussy style and self-deprecation really began to wear me down. Still at least it wasn't three hours of Frodo and Sam.

Bearded Dwarf #1, Bilbo, Bearded Dwarf #2

Favourite line:

'These are Gundabad wargs. They will outrun you.' - Gandalf
'These are Rhosgobel rabbits, I'd like to see them try' - Radagast 

Stand-out moment:

Bilbo meeting Gollum and the Ring  

Like the film? Watch: Might be a crazy idea but maybe the original Lord Of The Rings trilogy?

Like the story? Read: Another unoriginal idea but The Hobbit by J.R. Tolkien

What my wife would say: Which one is he again? When is Orlando Bloom in it?

What the world thinks:

Rotten Tomatoes - 65%

Metacritic - 58/100

LAMB Score - 3.66/5

TV: Game of Thrones (S3) (9/10)

Why did I watch it?
Simple, I love this show. I decided to watch Season 2 and 3 before returning to George R.R. Martin's books and picking up A Clash of Kings of which the second and third seasons contain elements of.

What's it all about?

Unless you have been living under a rock, or in deepest Qarth perhaps, you should have heard of HBO's TV adaptation of George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series. Well it's that, and Season Three just finished with a bang.

At the end of season two, we saw Robb Stark defy his mother, the growing power of Daenerys' infant dragons, Winterfell fall and most excitingly the White Walkers on the move North of The Wall.

Without giving much away, season three sees the continuation of war fought between the Starks and their bannermen and the Lannisters, Daenerys dragons continue to grow as she begins assembling an army overseas, Jon falls in with Mance Rayder's wildlings north of The Wall and the political scheming at Kings Landing continues as Tywin Lannister arrives as the new Hand of the King.

Should you watch it?
At times I felt that season three was the show's slowest yet. For me too many of the characters, I can think of Arya, Sam, Jaime and Brann off the top of my head, were sharing journeys of a similar nature and although the plot only visited them occasionally, there didn't seem to be much diversity between the story lines and episodes could be filled with people on the move, never seeming to make much progress towards their goals.

Catelyn wasn't impressed with the colour scheme at
the Red Wedding

On the other hand, all the above is what makes Game of Thrones such a great show. The plot moves along at its own speed, steadily moving the massive cast of characters along in their respective story arcs. The slow and deliberate story telling is such a contrast to many TV shows , where writers seem to rush plots at the expense of character development. That is not to say that Game of Thrones is not capable of turning up the excitement levels. I think this season has contained the biggest shocks of the show so far and considering what happened at the end of season one, that is saying something.  

This leads me on to the episode The Rains of Castamere, also known as The Red Wedding. I'm keen not to give anything way so it is difficult to comment on but for me this episode underlines the greatness of the show. A colossal event in terms of characters and story line that you just would not see in any other show. Imagine Tony Soprano's family being wiped out in the middle of an episode in the middle of a season. Totally unheard of. The scenes in particular were brilliantly produced as well and any silly doubts I had over the show were instantly erased by this episode.

"but I don't want to go to bed Granddad"

Elsewhere, Tywin demonstrates he is the only Lannister able to lay the law down to Joffrey. I'm looking forward to seeing more of this in the future, Joffrey seems genuinely afraid of his grandfather. Tywin's arrival shakes things up at Joffrey's court and things change for Tyrion, Sansa and Littlefinger and even Cersei seems unable to avoid her father's plans to strengthen the family.

The season comes to a close with the fate of one major character unconfirmed and I can't wait for the fallout from the Red Wedding to filter across Westeros. The next season of Game of Thrones cannot return soon enough.

FILM: Immortals (5/10)

Why did I watch it?
I guess I watched this because I'm a fan of 300 and I was drawn in by a combination of the Greek legend and 300-style visuals.

What's it all about?
King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) feels wronged by the Gods (the Zeus's) and plots to release the Titans (a race of deities previously beaten and imprisoned by the Gods) by finding the Epirus bow. Zeus won't allow the Gods to intervene directly in the lives of mortals so it's left to the warrior Theseus (Henry Cavill), trained by the Old Man (John Hurt), to save mankind.
Should you watch it?
I'm going to compare this Immortals to 300, I can't help myself. The film was marketed as 'from the producers of 300' so they can't blame me. If you want to watch a Greek mythology based film loaded with impressive visuals and special effects then watch Zack Snyder's.


Don't get me wrong, director Tarsem Singh delivers some eye-popping visuals and fight scenes that rival those of Snyder but in truth the rest of Immortals really falls short of being anything close to a great movie. 

Soon to be Superman Henry Cavill looks the part as Theseus but I thought he was pretty wooden although he certainly wasn't working with an award winning script. The army rousing speech scene (think 'tonight we dine in hell' with Gerard Butler, no acting great either) made me pity the guy for having to read the lines. Unfortunately, Mickey Rourke doesn't fare much better either, his performance made even more comical by his venus fly-trap/playboy bunny headpiece. Seriously, what were they thinking?

Immortals didn't even manage to hold my attention for the duration, which for me is almost unheard of, but hey, it looks good right.

Man of with Steel

BOOK: Cloud Atlas, David Mitchell (9/10)

Why did I read it?
Cloud Atlas came to my attention on a list I saw (I would like to give credit but it was so long ago I've no hope of remembering it) that recommended books to read before their film adaptation was released in 2012. I didn't catch the film while it was out so the book will have to do until I do.

What's it all about?
Beginning in the Pacific in 1850 and ending in post-apocalyptic Hawaii in the far future, Cloud Atlas narrates the stories of six individuals linked together across centuries of time. Half of each story is told, in chronological order, until each is interrupted seemingly incomplete. This continues to the sixth story which is told in it's entirety before each of the stories are then concluded in reverse order.

Should you read it?
Cloud Atlas is certainly one of the most ambitious books I have ever read. Covering such a variety of settings, dialogues, plots and means of narration is a challenging read but the read always stays fresh and the reader is always aware that the story will be changing just around the corner. 

I'll admit that I did not enjoy the first half of the first story, 'The Pacific Journal of Adam Ewing', and it took me until the second story, set in inter-war Belgium, and the appreciation of this story's antagonist of the first story and the connection between the two to really pique my interest. From this point on though I was hooked. The concept of leaving each story incomplete, using the following story to fill in some blanks, before closing the stories in reverse order had me reading at record speed to return to the incomplete stories.   

Capable of some wry humour, grand themes and a rather bleak outlook on the future of human civilisation, Mitchell provides the reader with a fascinating journey from past to present to future. However, on the subject of grand themes, I can't help feeling that I didn't quite fully appreciate the notion of the characters being reincarnations of themselves. Mitchell details the identical birthmark that several characters share (or mention anyway) and Luisa Rey knows deep down that she has heard Frobisher's composition before but without having read the ideas of reincarnation in connection with the film I would have been in doubt (and I still am!) as to Mitchell's grand meaning.  

FILM: Life of Pi (9/10)

Why did I watch it?

Having read the book (Yann Martel's Life of Pi) over the summer in anticipation of the film's release, this was one film I was desperate to see on the big screen.

What's it all about?

Life of Pi tells the story of Pi (Suraj Sharma), an enthusiastic Indian boy with more than a passing interest in religion, he finds solace in the individual facets of Hinduism, Christianity and Islam, whose father owns a zoo in Pondicherry. Tragedy strikes when the family emigrate to Canada with their animals as the ship sinks and Pi finds himself the sole survivor on-board a lifeboat, with Richard Parker, the zoo's Bengal tiger, for company.
  

Should you watch it?
Academy Award winner Ang Lee's Life of Pi is a stunningly beautiful film. Supposedly an 'unfilmable' novel, Yann Martel's book gives Lee ample opportunity for great visual imagery, an opportunity Lee and cinematographer Claudio Miranda grab with both hands. Whether its shots of Pi's boat floating adrift on a sunrise-reflecting ocean, of an island inhabited by a thousands of meerkats or of close-ups of the tiger, the visuals are unrivalled.


Lee dedicates enough time either side of Pi's incredible journey, with an adult Pi narrating his story to a writer (Rafe Spall), to give meaning to Pi's emotional ordeal. Although perhaps because of the nature of live action, in particular with facial expressions of the actors, some of the ending's ambiguity may have been lost in translation to the big screen.

Newcomer Suraj Sharma gives a fantastic performance as Pi, playing the role against a fully CGI tiger in what must have been a difficult filming environment. The other true star of the film is Richard Parker the tiger, the special effects for which really are outstanding.

In not staying true to the book, I was slightly disappointed that the writers felt the need to give Pi a love interest at the film's start, I don't feel that this added anything to Pi's character or to the story once the family set sail. Did the writers not want anyone to think he was gay or something?! Anyway, I also felt that Pi's gradual blindness from dehydration which for me was one of the most harrowing parts of the novel, could have been featured to add some more despair to Pi's journey, not that it needs more! However, my grumbles about how the film relates to the book count for little.

I had incredibly high expectations for this film after reading the book and seeing the trailers and thankfully Lee's adaptation lived up to those. Life of Pi is a beautiful film of a boy's unbelievable journey and how he finds a home for it among his eclectic religious beliefs.

Bring on the Oscar nominations.

BOOK: Life of Pi, Yann Martel (9/10)

Life of Pi - despite appearances not a children's book!

Why did I read it?
I was really impressed by the trailer for the upcoming Ang Lee film adaptation and realising it was based on a best-selling novel decided to borrow the book from a friend. I'm never sure which is the best way round to read book or watch adaptations but there is no going back now.

What's it all about?
Life of Pi is a fantasy adventure about an Indian teenager named Pi, who finds himself the sole survivor of a shipwreck on-board a lifeboat with a Bengal tiger, a chimpanzee, a zebra and a hyena for company. It sounds surreal but the first half of the book describes a credible back story. Pi's father is a zoo-keeper and the family decide to sell the zoo and relocate to Canada, hence the voyage across the Pacific with a ship full of dangerous animals. 

Should you read it?

The upcoming film poster

The book takes its time during the first half to set the scene with the tale of Pi's upbringing at an Indian zoo, his experiences with animals and also his take on spirituality but once his ordeal starts its clear why Martel dedicates so much print to the back story.

In terms of Pi's detailed account of his practical approach to survival the story is similar to the real life survival of Aaron Ralston in 127 Hours (minus the tiger).

A word of warning, Martel doesn't hold back in graphically depicting the demise of the boat's occupants and I'm not normally affected by violence in films but when related to animals, in particular during a week when my cat was badly hurt, it was almost too much to take.

The book is a fascinating combination of religion and animal psychology and a harrowing tale of survival at all costs that I couldn't put down. I have very high hopes for the film.

FILM: Edward Scissorhands (8/10)

When I was young, the combination of Depp's freaky appearance and the hands of scissors convinced me that Edward Scissorhands was a scary horror film and I never watched it. After all these years, how wrong I was.


An endearing romantic black comedy capable of some genuine heart warming and sad moments as well as plenty of laughs, Scissorhands is a definite highlight of Tim Burton's filmography.


Released in 1990, Scissorhands marks the first of many collaborations between Tim Burton and Johnny Depp. Depp is fantastic as the friendly and innocent ugly duckling Edward, rescued from hiding to a normal life by a sympathetic Avon lady (the excellent Dianne Wiest). Winona Ryder plays Edward's love interest.


Burton takes a swipe at pleasantville suburbia with his creation of the pastel coloured, generic town dominated by gossiping bored housewives. Having never experienced anything alien, the townsfolk welcome Edward's uniqueness with intrigue and curiosity rather than sinister suspicion. However, everything seems too good to be true until their fickle nature is revealed later when they unite as mob against the 'monster'.